Kept Inside
by Ghostwriter
Summary: Sam and Dean deal with Sam's secret just as they catch wind of strange deaths tied to a psychiatrist.
1. Resuming An Old Habit

KEPT INSIDE

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Takes place at the end of Asylum, but will not have the phone call. This is **not** the story with the siren. That's gonna be one of my "Hunter" stories. Story deals with cutting, so if this is a touchy subject with you, bow out now. The only thing I know about cutting is from watching Higher Ground and a movie called "Secret Cutting". Hopefully, I can do this tastefully. If I fail to do so, tell me, and I'll do my best to correct it. Had to resubmit due to a mistake, so here's the review that I've received so far just as I received it.

Supernaturalfan0718: I like what you have so far. It's an interesting "illness" for to suffer from. There is only one thing I believe that Sam is right handed after watching "hookman" again and "home" he used the right when writing, but not a big deal I'm a lefty and would love to include him in the "lefty community". again I really like the story and hope you update soon:).

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Supernaturalfan0718 (ch 2): Thanks. Yes it is. Thanks for the correction. Sorry, I'm changin' it. Hope you like the corrected version.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. Characters that come up later belong to me.

CHAPTER ONE: RESUMING AN OLD HABIT

Sam Winchester sighed and looked over at his brother.

"Dean," he said. No answer. Well, that was to be expected. Dean was physically and mentally exhausted. But Sam **really** needed to talk.

"Dean," he repeated just a bit louder. Dean made a muttering noise.

"What?" he asked.

"We gotta talk," came the response.

"Man, I'm not gonna do a girly moment. Let me sleep," his brother snapped. Then, he turned over and went back to sleep. Sam sighed.

"Okay, Dean," he said in resignation. He got out of the bed and walked over to his duffel, where he took out a knife and walked into the bathroom. _I can't believe it! I shot my own brother!_ he thought to himself. **_Sam raised the shotgun and pulled the trigger. Dean flew back, breaking a door._** Sam rolled his left shirt-sleeve to reveal numerous scars going up his arm. His throat muscles constricted. **_Sam raised the shotgun and pulled the trigger. Dean flew back, breaking a door_**. Sam gripped the knife and lowered it to his wrist. He grunted as made a small cut in his skin.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I was actually told that Sam's right-handed and I want to make sure this is as close to the series as possible. So, to Supernaturalfan0718, sorry. He's gonna be a righty.


	2. Hiding The Scars

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. Any characters you don't recognize belong to me. Story deals with cutting and anything I know about it comes from watching Higher Ground and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

The next morning, Dean woke up to see Sam gone.

"Sam? Sammy?" he asked. He heard a door close and realized his brother had only been in the bathroom.

"Don't tell me you were worried," Sam said. Dean wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"No way. I just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to drive my car again," Dean shot back. Something in Sam's eyes flickered, but Dean couldn't read his brother's expression.

"Dude, you okay?" he asked in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," came the dismissive reply.

"You sure?" Dean checked.

"No chick-flick moments, right?" Sam reminded him.

"Right," Dean agreed. They grabbed their stuff, checked out, and went to the Impala. As Sam opened the door, his shirt-sleeve rode up, showing the fresh cut. Embarrassed, he quickly pulled the sleeve down and got into the car. Dean started the car and heavy rock was heard as they drove away.


	3. Suicide Or Murder?

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

FLOAT-ON-CLOUD-9 (ch 1-2): Thanks. I will. Thanks.

CrazyPirateGirl (ch 1): Yep. Thanks. Glad you like it. Will be looking forward to hearing what you think.

Long-Live-Christopher: New reviewer. Yay! Sorry 'bout the shortness. I'll work on it. Glad you like it.

Spuffyshipper: Yep. You're right. He will eventually. I just can't make it too soon, otherwise we'd have no story.

Verena: I don't remember seeing **you** before. Glad to see ya. Welcome. Thanks. Glad you like it so far.Sorry this isn't soon enough. I'll work on that.

Pmsdevil101: Sorry this isn't soon enough. There will be plenty more.

Nate and Jake: Hey, where ya been? Missed ya. Glad you like it so far. Sorry this isn't soon enough.

CharliePace1983: New reviewer. Awesome. Thanks. There'll be plenty of drama before this is resolved.

DISCLAIMER  
Supernatural belongs to the WB. I own any characters you don't recognize. This story deals with cutting, which I only know about from the tv show "Higher Ground" a movie called "Secret Cutting". If I haven't done this tastefully, tell me and I'll do my best to fix it. The place is an actual location and any place mentioned is real, but the psychiatrist is mine.

APPLETON, WISCONSIN

People watched as the 1967 Chevy Impala rolled into town. It was a pretty cool car.

"Dean, check it out," Sam stated. Dean followed his brother's gaze to see two squad cars at a local psychiatrist's.

"What the---?" Dean wondered. He drove over, only to be intercepted by an officer.

"Whoa! Sorry. No bystanders," the man told them.

"What's goin' on?" Dean wondered. Before the officer could reply, a stretcher was brought out.

"What've we got?" one of the other officers asked. The ME shook her head.

"Appears to be a suicide," she reported.

"**Appears** to be?" repeated the officer.

"Yeah. Poor baby has two slit wrists," came the response.

"Seems cut and dry to me," the officer stated.

"Yes, but it doesn't explain these other marks. It's almost like they were burned into the skin," the ME continued. Sam and Dean looked at each other. Strange burn marks? The ME was about to say something else when the officer that had stopped Sam and Dean caught her gaze.

"Hold up on your report," he requested.

"Don't worry. We're goin'," Dean assured. With that, he went on.

"So, whatta ya think?" Sam wondered.

"We've investigated on less," Dean answered. He kept driving until he reached a dumpy hotel.

"You know, if you wouldn't keep spending whatever you hustle on booze and women, we probably could stay someplace nicer like the _Radisson Paper Valley Hotel_," Sam stated. Dean looked at his brother in confusion.

"When were you here?" he asked.

"A few years back, came here with Jess," was the response.

"How'd you afford that?" Dean wondered.

"It's called 'saving up', Dean. You should try it sometime," Sam answered.

"Jerk," Dean tossed back. Without waiting for a reply, Sam went up to the entrance. Dean quickly caught up with his brother. Dean pulled out a credit card and paid for a room. Then, the two went out to the car, grabbed their bags from the trunk, and went to Room 104.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

ME stands for medical examiner.


	4. If At First You Don't Succeed

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Spuffyshipper: He will, but not for a while. Yeah, I remember doing that with 21 Jump Street. I've never seen Dark Angel, so I wouldn't be able to do a crossover w\that and Supernatural (or anything else for that matter), but I'm glad you're enjoyin' it.

Pmsdevil101: Sorry. I'm trying.

Windyfontaine: Hey. How ya doin'? Unfortunately, I may not start another "Hunter" story for a while, since I'm already workin' on two other stories. Glad you like this so far. Here's the next post.

FLOAT-ON-CLOUD-9: Thanks. Glad you're enjoyin' it.

Verena: Glad you think so. Yep, that's our boys. Well, hopefully, I won't keep you waiting **too** long.

Sprite Sweetheart: Hey! Was wonderin' what happened to ya. Glad you're enjoyin' the fic. I will. Thanks.

Stephanie: Wow! That's kinda neat. If I get anything wrong about the town, tell me please. Glad you like it so far. I will.

Mystiksnake: First of all, cool handle. Second of all, new reviewer, welcome. Glad you like it so far. Sorry this isn't soon enough.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. Appleton Wisconsin is a real place, but the psychiatrist is mine. Deals with cutting. Any information I have on this problem is from "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting". Anything or anyone you don't recognize is mine.

In the motel room, Sam sat on the bed, flipping through the channels.

"Boring, boring, boring, boring, dumb, boring..." With a frustrated groan, Sam simply turned off the televison. Dean ignored his brother as he concentrated on his current web search. The older man let out an annoyed growl.

"Let me guess: you can't find anything?" Sam asked.

"There's nothing! No recent suicides, no freak accidents---nothing that would explain what that ME saw," Dean responded.

"Maybe we should figure out who it was first. I mean, we didn't really see who the victim was, and we don't know if it's male or female," Sam pointed out.

"Well, how do you want to do that? Just go up and say, 'Hi. We're new in town. Who died?'?" Dean asked sarcastically.

"Well, not exactly like that, no," Sam frowned. He **hated** it when Dean treated him like he was an idiot. "But, you know, someone had to have seen something," he continued. Then a thought occurred to him. "You know, maybe we should ask the people in the psychiatrist building if they saw something. I mean, that's where the body was found," Sam recalled.

"Yeah, good idea," Dean approved, standing up. "I knew that college education had to be good for somethin'," he continued jokingly as he headed for the door. Since his back was to his brother, Dean missed the flash of hurt in Sam's eyes as he followed him out of the motel. Together, the two drove to the psychiatrist's building.

"How we gonna do this?" Dean asked.

"I'll go talk. After all, we both know how you hate "chick-flick" moments," Sam said. Besides, he **really** needed to talk to somebody. To actually explain everything that was running through his mind. Dean turned to look at Sam sharply.

"You okay?" he questioned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll do the talking and you do whatever," Sam dismissed. The two brothers got out of the car and walked up to the place.

"Hi, I'm Sam Winchester. Um, I was wondering if I could see the psychiatrist?" Sam asked.

"I'm sorry. Dr. Morgan's booked. But you could make an appointment to see him in a couple of weeks," the receptionist told them.

"Can't you just squeeze me in? Please?" Sam implored, throwing her an endearing smile. _Oh, man. He's really laying it on thick_, Dean thought in amusement.

"I'm sorry, but no," the receptionist responded. To both of their surprise, Sam kicked the desk.

"If that's how you wanna do it, fine!" he screamed.

"What the---Sam, calm down!" Dean exclaimed. He tried to grab Sam, but he pushed him back. Dean grunted as he fell against a chair. Sam gave the desk a final kick, and then stormed out. Dean picked himself up.

"Sorry. I don't know what got into him," Dean apologized.

"He certainly has issues," the receptionist noted.

"Yeah," Dean said shortly. Then, he went out to the Impala, where Sam was slouched in the passenger seat.

"Sam," Dean said.

"Let's just get back to the motel," Sam responded.

"Right. We could ask around, see what the locals say," Dean stated. "Good thinking," he approved.

"Yeah, well, the college education had to be good for somethin' right?" Sam asked softly. Dean looked at his brother in concern.

"Dude, you okay?" he asked.

"Just drive, huh?" Sam snapped. His brother put his car in gear. As they drove back to town, Sam dug his nails into his palms. Oh, he was such a mess! Why couldn't he just find someone to talk to? Dean was out. He hated talking about anything serious. All he wanted was someone to understand how he was feeling! Within minutes, they were back at the hotel.

"Okay, I'll go talk to the locals. You see if you can have better luck on the web," Dean declared.

"Yeah, sure," Sam agreed. He got out of the car and went back into the hotel. Dean frowned for a minute, confused by his brother's behavior, but then shrugged it off. Then, he went into town.


	5. Try Or Cut Again

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB, but the psychiatrist is mine. Story deals with cutting, and the only thing I know about it is what I've seen on "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting". Anyone or anything you don't recognize is mine.

In town, Dean had found a local bar.

"What can I get ya?" the bartender asked.

"Scotch. On the rocks," Dean replied.

"Heavy drinker," the bartender noted.

"Rough day," Dean responded. The drink was quickly made. As he sipped the drink, the man looked around. Presently, a woman came up.

"Hi," she greeted.

"Hel-lo, gorgeous," Dean flirted. She laughed.

"Well, glad to see the feeling's mutual," she flirted back. He laughed.

"I'm Carrie," she said.

"Dean," he introduced himself.

"So Dean...what brings you here?" she asked.

"Well, I'm new in town, and I've gotta say I'm a little concerned," Dean answered.

"Why?" Carrie wondered.

"Well, just as me and my brother were drivin' up, we saw a couple of cop cars in front of the psychiatrist's office," Dean stated.

"Again?" Carrie questioned.

"'Again'? What do you mean 'again'?" Dean questioned.

"Last week, the cops found a kid in the psychiatrist's office. Apparently, he had committed suicide," Carrie replied.

"Suicide? Man, that's awful," Dean sympathized.

"But you know, there's been talk that maybe his death wasn't a suicide," Carrie continued in a conspirital whisper.

"Why would people say that?" Dean wondered.

"No one's supposed to know this, but apparently, the ME found some kind of burn marks on his arms," Carrie told him.

"Now, how'd you find that out?" Dean wondered.

"I---snuck in," Carrie admitted with a guilty giggle.

"Did ya now?" Dean asked with interest. Meanwhile, back at the motel, Sam had struck out. He gave a growl of frustrion as he ran his fingers through his hair. _Great! Just great! Why can't I ever get a break?_ he wondered angrily. With another growl, Sam stood up and stomped over to the bed where his duffel lay and unzipped it. He rummaged around for a while until he found the knife he had use previously. Then, he went into the bathroom, rolled up his left sleeve, and let the blade sink through his flesh. He set his jaw, but couldn't help the small grunt of pain that escaped. Then, he sank to the floor and sobbed.


	6. Information

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Natasha Winchester: New reviewer. Always cool. Thanks. Glad you like it so far.

CrazyPirateGirl: Yeah. He does. They'll get solved eventually. Thanks.

Spuffyshipper: Yeah. Sorry this isn't soon enough.

KatieMalfoy19 (ch 4): Musta missed ya before I sent in ch 5. Sorry. Glad you're enjoyin' the fic. Here's more. Sorry it's not soon enough.

DISCLAIMER

Appleton, Wisconsin is a real place. Supernatural belongs to the WB. I only own the bad guy who will be showing up soon. Story deals with cutting which I only know about from "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

After what seemed to be several minutes, Sam heard the door opening.

"Sammy?" Dean asked. Sam's eyes widened. Dean! He was back and he hadn't cleaned his wrist or his knife. _Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!_ his mind screamed. Jumping up, he locked the door, and then turned on the faucet and let the water splash over the weapon.

"Sammy?" Dean asked again.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec!" Sam called back. After the knife was clean, Sam ran his wrist under the water. Then, he grabbed a dark washcloth and placed it over the wound. Suddenly, he blinked. The reflection in the mirror wasn't his. It was Jessica!

"Jess," he whispered.

"Are you doing it again, Sam?" Jessica asked.

"What?" Sam wondered.

"Sam, are you cutting again?" Jessica continued.

"No. Leave me alone," Sam snapped. With that, he turned his attention to his wrist. Once the wound was cleaned, he stuffed the washcloth into a drawer. Then, he unlocked the door.

"What were you doing in there?" Dean questioned.

"It's a bathroom. Take a guess," Sam snapped. Then, "What'd you find out?"

"Well, according to this girl I met---Carrie---there was another death last week. Exact same MO as the other person we saw," Dean told him.

"Slit wrists, burns on the arms?" Sam guessed.

"Yep," Dean confirmed.

"What else do these deaths have in common?" Sam asked.

"Both bodies were found in the doc's office," Dean stated. Sam just stared.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

You'll learn how Jess knew about the cutting later.


	7. Sneaking In

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Windyfontaine (ch 5, 6): Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! I totally missed you for ch 5, but I'm not sure why. Sorry! You're right. He does. And it will come. Yes, it does. Thanks. Here's the next post. Thanks. 'Cuz you're readin' my mind? Sorry this isn't soon enough.

Pmsdevil01: Sorry. Don't mean to tease. I will.

FLOAT-0N-CLOUD-9 (ch 4-6): Thanks. I will. I'm glad you like it.

Supernaturalfan0718: Thanks. Here's more.

KatieMalfoy19: Well, calm down and wait. You see, I'd tell ya, but then I'd have to kill ya.

CrazyPirateGirl: Yeah, I know. Here's the next chapter. Yeah, they will. Thanks.

Long-Live-Christopher: It's okay. I **hate** it when that happens. Thanks. Yes, he does.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Yeah, that **was** a cool twist, huh? Oh, they'll get bad---and how. Unfortunately, you're right about Sam. By the way, I looked you up on fanfic, but you're not listed. Did you ever post your stories?

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. The creature is mine, though I got some of his powers from this episode of Smallville where this football coach was able to burn people just by touching them. Story deals with cutting which I only know about from "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

"They were found in the psychiatrist's office?" Sam repeated.

"Yeah," Dean nodded.

"So either this guy is nuts---" Sam began.

"Or it's a creature in human form," Dean finished.

"It doesn't sound like anything we've come up against before," Sam stated.

"Yeah, I know. It's weird," Dean agreed.

"Wish Dad was here," Sam said.

"Me too," Dean agreed again.

"I think it's time we looked in on this good doc," Sam stated. The brothers looked at each other. Later that night, they crept over to the psychiatrist's office.

"Okay, Dr. Max Nordstrom, let's see who or what you really are," Dean muttered, as he forced the door open. They went past the receptionist desk and headed for the office. Once there, Sam jimmied the lock and they went in.

"Okay, patient files," Dean mused.

"Dean, those are confidential," Sam scolded.

"Look, both victims died seein' this doc. I'd like to know what else they had in common besides needing therapy and the way they died," Dean shot back in a hiss. Sam rolled his eyes and focused on finding anything that would give them a clue as to what they were dealing with. Finding nothing on the desk, he moved towards the back of the room.

"Psst! Psst! Sam!" Dean hissed. With a sigh, Sam rolled his eyes and walked over to his brother.

"What?" he asked.

"I know what the victims had in common," Dean stated.

"What?" Sam wondered.

"Both were seein' the doc for some kind of problem he called "malicious self-mutilation to the wrists". Whatever that means," Dean told him.

"'Cutting', Dean. It's called 'cutting'," Sam corrected.

"How do **you** know?" Dean asked. Sam opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by another voice.

"May I help you?" it asked as light suddenly flooded the room.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sorry if the name is familiar. I don't know if it is or not, it was the only thing I could come up with. If it's a real person, no disrespect intended.


	8. Confrontations And Realizations

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. I only own Max Nordstrom and some of his powers, though I got others from this episode of Smallville where this football coach was able to burn people just by touching them. Deals with cutting which I know about from "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

Sam and Dean whirled around.

"Can I help you?" the man asked again.

"Are you Dr. Nordstrom?" Sam queried.

"Yes. And you are?" came the response.

"I'm Sam Winchester and I **really** need to talk to you," Sam said.

"Son, I'm really busy---" Dr. Nordstrom began to say.

"Please!" Sam interrupted. "I realize you're busy, and normally, I wouldn't press it, but---I'm spinning out of control, and---I---I need your help," he continued. Dean stared. He could almost swear that Sammy was being truthful.

"Okay. I---guess I could see you," Dr. Nordstrom agreed.

"Great," Sam sighed in relief. Then, "Dean, do you mind?"

"What? Sammy," Dean objected. _Is he crazy? What is he doing?_ he wondered.

"Dean, **please**," Sam insisted. Yeah, he knew splitting up wasn't the smartest thing to do, but he'd never have the courage to do this in front of his brother. Dean was about to object again, when he saw the pleading expression in Sam's eyes. Whatever was going on with his brother, it was obviously important enough for him to send him away.

"All right, man," Dean sighed. However, he shot his brother a look that indicated that he thought it was a bad idea. Sam waited until Dean was out of the room to turn to the man.

"Now, how can I help you?" the older man asked. Sam rolled up his left shirt-sleeve.

"Oh, son," Dr. Nordstrom breathed, taking his arm and looking at the marks. "Why?" he asked, motioning for the boy to sit down in a chair, as he did so

"'Cuz I feel so bad and I have no other way to deal," Sam answered, covering his arm back up, and taking a seat in the other chair.

"What about your friend?" Dr. Nordstrom wondered.

"Dean?" Sam scoffed. "My older brother doesn't talk. He likes to avoid what he calls 'chick-flick moments'," he continued.

"When did it start?" the doctor queried.

"When I was young. My father and I---we didn't get along. And I---I didn't know what else to do," Sam admitted.

"Did he ever hurt you?" came the next question.

"No. He never raised a hand to me. He just---" Sam trailed off.

"He just what?" the man prompted.

"My mom was murdered---when I was a baby. And he just kinda---fell apart. He raised us to look for the---**man**---that killed her. It was all he cared about," Sam said, looking down.

"Do you feel like he neglected you?" the doctor asked.

"Sometimes yeah," Sam nodded.

"But that's not everything, is it?" Dr. Nordstrom asked. Sam looked up, genuinely surprised.

"What are you talking about?" he wondered. _What's he mean by that?_ he wondered.

"Come on, Sam. You know what I'm talking about," Dr. Nordstrom questioned, his voice darkening. Sam sat up straighter, instantly on guard. Maybe it had been a bad idea to send Dean away.

"No, I'm afraid I don't," Sam said carefully.

"Come on, Sam. The way your brother ignores you---you **hate** that," Dr. Nordstrom continued.

"My brother doesn't ignore me," Sam corrected.

"You hate it when he calls you 'Sammy', but he does it anyway," Dr. Nordstrom stated. Inside, he was smiling. _Really. Is this human **that** stupid?_ he wondered. Just who did this kid think he was dealing with? Sam didn't answer, but just stared. How had he known? Unless---they had been right. And this guy wasn't human at all.

"What are you?" Sam questioned, standing up.

"I was waiting for you to figure it out, Sammy-Boy," Dr. Nordstrom sneered, also getting up. Sam threw a left punch, but Nordstrom quickly caught the wrist. Sam screamed as searing pain pierced his skin. Then, he threw Sam across the room.

"Foolish boy. Did you really think you could stop me?" he asked in his true voice. Sam looked up to see that although he still looked the same, the man's eyes were now red.

"So that's it. That's how you've been killing them. You've burned the oxygen out of them," he gasped. Sam inched his way towards the door.

"Yes. Run away. No one will believe your story," the demon sneered. Sam stood up, opened the door, and ran out.

"Sam!" Dean cried in surprise as his brother stumbled up to the car..

"We gotta get back to the room," Sam groaned. Without another word, Dean headed for their motel.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yes, I know Sam's right-handed and it would've made more sense for him to throw a right punch, but I have something in mind, and I needed him to use his left hand.


	9. The Truth Comes Out

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural is mine. Nordstrom's mine, although I got some of his powers from a Smallville in which a football coach could burn his victims just by touching them. Story deals with cutting which I only know about from watching "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

By the time they got back to the motel room, Sam was groaning with pain.

"Sammy, what happened?" Dean asked worriedly.

"Burned me. Just by touching me," Sam gasped. "And it's Sam," he continued.

"Let me see the damage," Dean demanded, starting pull up his left sleeve.

"No," Sam said pulling away. If Dean saw his scars, he'd freak. He wouldn't understand.

"Sam, I have to see," Dean insisted.

"No, I'll take care of it myself," Sam stated. The older Winchester was confused. What was his brother hiding?

"Sammy, let me see," Dean growled. He yanked his brother's shirt sleeve up. His jaw dropped.

"What the---did you do this to yourself?" he demanded. The look on Sam's face was all the answer he needed. "Why? Would you be so stupid?" Dean questioned. _I don't believe this! Why would he be so stupid?_ he wondered.

"Shut up," Sam growled. With that, he broke free from Dean and rushed to his bag.

"Sammy! Sammy, don't!" Dean exclaimed. He dashed to his brother's side, only to be shoved back. Sam grabbed the knife and started to strike.

"Sam Winchester, don't you dare!" a voice cried. Both boys turned around to see a woman with blond hair and hazel eyes.

"Jess," Sam said thickly. His throat got tight and he sniffled. Man, he missed her so much!

"Why Sam? Why are you cutting again?" Jessica asked.

"'Again'? You've done this before?" Dean demanded. Sam laughed bitterly.

"You are stupid, Dean! You're so stupid! You didn't even know that I've been cutting since I was twelve!" Sam screamed. He could feel the tears coming and tried to will them away, but to no avail.

"What? That long? Why?" Dean asked furiously.

"'Cuz you never talk to me!" Sam screamed again, tears streaming down his face. "You and Dad---never talk---about **anything**! You just shove it all down and pretend nothing's wrong! Well, I can't do that, Dean! I can't pretend I'm made of stone!" he continued.

"Sam, I---" Dean began to say.

"And after what happened in the Asylum---" Sam continued.

"Hey, I told, we're good," Dean interrupted. He didn't want to get into a chick-flick moment. It was over and done with.

"See? That's exactly what I'm talking about!" Sam exclaimed. "You won't talk about it. Even though it's perfectly clear that **I** want to. You just shove it aside," he stated.

"That gives you no right to hurt yourself," Dean retorted.

"It's the only way I can make the pain go away. I cut...and it all leaks out. And I don't have to hold it in anymore," Sam told him. Dean's throat muscles constricted and he could feel something wet touch his eyelids. _Oh, Sammy. I'm so sorry. I had no idea_, he thought.

"It's like---I have all this stuff inside, and I don't know what else to do with it. So I cut, and it's okay again. I don't have to think about stuff that's my fault," Sam continued.

"What happened at the asylum wasn't your fault. I know that wasn't you, man," Dean stated in a choked voice.

"I tried to stop, but I couldn't. He was too strong," Sam confessed.

"Dude, I know that. That's why I said we were fine. I mean, I knew you had issues, but you would never willingly hurt me," Dean told him.

"Sam, if you need to talk, **make** him listen. Don't just---" Jess began.

"Why are you even helping me?" Sam interrupted. "You should hate me," he said.

"What?" Jess asked.

"I got you killed," Sam said.

"Don't you **dare** blame yourself for that, Sam Winchester," Jess responded angrily.

"I dreamt it and I did nothing. So it was my fault. I killed you," Sam continued.

"Listen to me, it wasn't your fault. I don't care what any spirit says. Even if you had told me, you probably couldn't have stopped it. So if you're gonna blame anything, you blame the thing that killed me," Jess told him.

"Hey, that punch offer is still open," Dean joked thickly. Sam gave a sobbing laugh.

"Man, it feels so good to get all this out," he confessed. Jess turned to Dean.

"Take care of him. And for Pete's sake, talk to him when the situation arises!" she scolded lightly. Then, she disappeared.

"Jess," Sam whispered. Emotionally drained, he sank to a sitting position on the floor.

"So, how'd she found out?" Dean wondered, sitting next to him.

"She walked in on me. She got me into therapy, and I learned to talk about what I was feeling, instead of cutting. I was---I was finally healthy," Sam answered.

"And I caused you to back-peddle," Dean realized.

"Dean---" Sam began to say.

"No, it's true. But I won't ignore your need to talk again," Dean promised. Sam sniffled and Dean gave him a half hug. And the two just sat there, thinking.


	10. Brotherly Bond

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

Doyoufeellikeyourfallingdown: You're right. I know what you mean. Well, I was gonna have them talk sometime.

Spuffyshipper: Yeah, I had it all planned out from the beginning. I will. Ah, I see.

KatieMalfoy19: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. I was hoping it wasn't too much. Here's more.

CrazyPirateGirl: Thanks. Yeah, it was about time. Maybe, I don't know. You're right about the butt-whuppin' though.

FLOAT-ON-CLOUD-9 (ch 7-9 ): Thanks. I will. Thanks.

Mystiksnake: Thanks. That's okay. Thanks. Sorry this isn't soon enough.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. Nordstrom's mine, though I got some of his powers from a Smallville episode where a football coach was able to burn people just by touching them. Story deals with cutting, which I only know about from watching "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

Hours later, Dean shifted at his spot on the floor, being as quiet as possible. Sam had finally fallen asleep and he didn't want to risk waking him up. The older Winchester stared at his younger brother, his mind racing with everything he had been told. _How did we miss it? Were we so obsessed with hunting that we missed the signs?_ he wondered. Suddenly, Sam made a moaning.

"No," he said. "No! Jess!" With a gasp, he woke up. He gasped, and panted.

"Sssssh. You're all right, Sammy. It was just a bad dream," Dean soothed, putting an arm around him.

"It's Sam," Sam corrected.

"Yeah, okay," Dean accepted. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Sam answered.

"Same dream?" Dean queried.

"Yeah. I was on the bed, felt the blood..." Sam trailed off.

"And she was on the ceiling," Dean finished for him.

"Yeah," Sam whispered. "I could---feel the heat. The fire was all around. It was in the whole room," he continued.

"What do you think kicked off the dream?" Dean queried.

"I don't know...maybe it was because Jess called me on the fact that I still blame myself for what happened to her," Sam responded. He blew out a breath. Then as he stood up and walked over to the duffel where Dean kept their dad's journal, "Come on. Let's go see if we can figure out exactly what Dr. Nordstrom is." Dean picked himself up and joined his brother. He took the book out of his bag and laid it in front of them.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

"Yeah?" Dean responded.

"Thanks," Sam said.

"Anytime, Sammy," Dean replied, opening the journal.

"It's Sam," Sam good-naturedly protested. Together, the brothers looked through the pages of their father's diary.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yeah, okay. I know this isn't a butt-whuppin' chapter. But I figured they needed this kind of a thing due to the circumstances.


	11. Dad's Number One Rule

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

FLOAT-ON-CLOUD-9: Thanks.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. This probably won't be soon enough. Sounds interesting. Can't wait till you're allowed to post on I'd **definitely** read that.

Windyfontaine: Thanks. Butt-whomphin' will come. Be patient. Thanks. I will.

CrazyPirateGirl: Glad you like it.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. Nordstrom's mine, though I got some of his powers from this episode of Smallville where a football coach was able to burn people just by touching them. Story deals with cutting which I only know about from watching "Higher Ground" and a movie called "Secret Cutting".

About two hours later, Sam gave up with a frustrated sigh.

"There's nothing here!" he exclaimed.

"Which means Dad never came across it," Dean stated.

"Well, **that**'**s** just great," Sam said sarcastically.

"Yeah, it **is** disheartening," Dean agreed. Sam blew out a breath.

"What? What is it?" he asked.

"I'm just frustrated. I wanna take care of this freak before he kills anybody else," came the response.

"Me too," his older brother agreed. He leaned back and closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do. He had never heard of a creature that had red eyes, could burn people just by touching them, and could read minds.

"Well, you know what?" Sam said suddenly. Dean's eyes flew open.

"What?" Dean wondered.

"I just remembered Dad's number one rule," Sam told him. Instantly, Dean knew what his brother was talking about.

"When in doubt---" Dean began.

"Rock salt\silver combo straight to the heart," they finished together. With that, both men grabbed large rifles, loaded them, and then cocked them.


	12. Nordstrom's Lair

SHOUTOUTS\ANSWERS

KatieMalfoy19: Yeah, it's a kicker, huh. Here's more.

Long-Live-Christopher: Thanks. Yeah, it's good. Glad you think so. Here's chapter twelve.

Spuffyshipper: Thanks. Still sounds interesting. Wish you could post it.

DISCLAIMER

Supernatural belongs to the WB. Nordstrom is mine, though I got the idea of him being able to burn people just by touching them from a Smallville episode.

Almost immediately after their declaration, the Winchester brothers headed out. Dean started the car and they drove through town.

"Dean?" Sam queried suddenly.

"Yeah?" Deam responded.

"Do we even know where we're going?" Sam wondered. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Aw, man," he grumbled.

"That's okay. We can just ask somebody," Sam stated.

"Provided that they're not all scared spitless," Dean reminded him. "I mean, from what you told me, this guy is bad news," he continued.

"Especially since he can read minds," Sam added.

"Yeah. Wonderful," Dean said sarcastically. They continued on, until a car pulled them over.

"You fellows look lost," a female said. Dean grinned.

"Carrie," he said.

"Dean," Carrie smiled.

"So **this** is Carrie," Sam noted.

"So, you fellows lost?" Carrie asked.

"Yeah," Dean answered. "We're tryin' to find Doc Nordstrom's house," he continued. She gave them the directions, was thanked, and the brothers went on. Finally, they were at the house. Dean cut the engine.

"Okay. Here we go," he stated. He looked over at his brother who seemed to be trying to compose himself.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Just give me a sec," was the answer.

"I can do this alone," he offered.

"No. No, I'm good. Let's go," came the reply. They grabbed their rifles, went to the trunk where they got some pistols and knives which were put into the back of their pants and boots respectively as well as some salt, gasoline, and a lighter which were put in his jacket pocket, and then headed in. They searched the house.

"Dean?" Sam whispered after awhile.

"Yeah?" Dean responded in the same tone.

"It's been **way** too quiet," Sam stressed.

"Yeah, I know," Dean agreed. Almost as soon as he had said that, they heard a growl.

"He's here," Sam realized.

"Yessssss. And I thought **you** were the smart one," a voice hissed. They turned around to see Dr. Nordstrom. But he wasn't Dr. Nordstrom anymore. Instead, he was some kind of black creature with red eyes, and yellow claws.

"What the---" Dean's question died away as the creature lunged at them. The brothers began firing, but a swipe of the monster's claws threw the weapons onto the floor. Dean and Sam grabbed their pistols from the back of their jeans and pressed the trigger. The creature snarled in pain. The thing lumbered towards them. Sam and Dean kept firing. Suddenly, the creature, which had been Nordstrom grabbed Sam's arm. He cried out painfully as fire leaped onto his skin.

"Pathetic," the creature jeered. Meanwhile, Dean had stopped firing as soon as Sam had been grabbed. There was no way he could get in a shot without hitting his brother. "You call yourself a hunter, but you're not," it stated. Sam looked down. "You're weak. That's all you've ever been," he said.

"I'm weak," Sam repeated.

"No! Sammy, don't listen!" Dean shouted.

"You never wanted to hunt. You wanted to be normal, have the apple-pie life," Nordstrom taunted. Sam looked down.

"I just---I wanted to forget," he whispered.

"Yeah, well...you don't deserve to live," Nordstrom jeered.

"I don't deserve to live," Sam echoed. This thing was right. He had never fit in with his family. It'd be better if he was gone.

"Sammy! Snap out of it!" Dean cried. He shifted the pistol in his hands, but he was still in a position where if he fired, he'd hit Sam.

"That's right. Take the knife out of your boot," Nordstrom instructed calmly. Dully, Sam did so. Immediately, Dean understood the thing's plan.

"No! Sammy, don't!" he yelled. _Jess, where are you? Your boyfriend's in danger_, he thought to himself. Then, he silently snorted at the irony of him calling to a ghost for help.

"Weak, pathetic. Your father was **glad** to see you go. That way you were out of his sight," Nordstrom continued.

"Out of his sight," came Sam's soft response. He placed the knife on his wrist.

"Yes. That's right. End it all. You were never a soldier," the thing smirked. All of a sudden, it was if a light had switched back on.

"Soldier. I'm a soldier," Sam repeated, gripping the knife. Nordstrom didn't appear to realize what happened.

"That's right. Just take the knife and---" the creature continued.

"Save it, charcol freak," Sam interrupted snappishly. He yanked out of the thing's grasp. "You think you're hot stuff, invading my mind, trying to use my own emotions against me? Well, I have news for you. I'm not some wimpy little frat boy. I'm a hunter trained by the best that there ever was," he continued. Dean watched as Sam flashed a cocky grin, not unlike his own. "And you know what? The soldier's back." With that, he stabbed the thing in the heart. Then, he shot him. And stabbed him. And shot him. This went on for several minutes until Dean realized something.

"Sammy, Sammy!" he cried, holding his brother back.

"What?" came the irritated question.

"It's dead," he answered.

"Oh," Sam said. The older Winchester took the salt, gasoline, and lighter out of his jacket pocket.

"You want the honors?" Dean offered.

"Heck, yeah," Sam replied. He threw the salt on the body, followed by the gasoline. Then, he flicked the lighter on. "Time to burn, baby," he quipped. With that, he set the creature on fire. The two brothers grabbed their things and hightailed it. Dean threw the Impala in gear and sped away.

"Sam," Dean said out of the blue.

"What?" Sam wondered.

"Good job," Dean stated.

"What are you talking about? I choked," Sam protested.

"Dude, he went psychological on you. That's a dang hard thing to fight," Dean reminded him.

"Yeah, I know, but---" Sam trailed off.

"Do we need to talk about this?" Dean queried.

"What he was saying...there was a lot of times that I actually **felt** like that. I was weak, pathetic, I didn't fit in," Sam

"Sam, you fit in. Just 'cuz you didn't like to hunt---" Dean began.

"That's just it. I hated hunting, you loved it. I knew Dad always resented me for it," Sam interrupted.

"Stop right there. He may not of always understood why you'd rather play soccer than learn a new hunting skill, but he **never** resented you," Dean corrected.

"Never?" Sam asked.

"Never," Dean comfirmed.

"Throw in some _Motorhead_...jerk," Sam said.

"Okay...geek," Dean grinned. He grabbed a tape and slipped it in. Immediately, _Ace of Spades_ was heard as they whizzed down the road.

THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Okay, yes. Techinally, the dad's a marine. But Sam called Dean "a good little soldier" when he was under Doc Ellicott's influence. Yes, I know the whole thing between Sam and the creature was like the part of the Angel episode Rm\W\A\Vu, but that's what it was based off. Okay, it's a little weird that Jess didn't show up to help, but I wanted Sam to get strong by himself. No, _Ace of Spades_ isn't a different band, it's a _Motorhead_ song. And I've never heard any of their songs, I just remember Sam listing them in the pilot.


End file.
